


Unconditionally

by Marrilyn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Conversations, Curses, Declarations Of Love, Drama, F/F, Fear, Friendship, Girls Kissing, Hugs, Kissing, Love, Multi, Self-Conscious Rowena, Self-Doubt, Tears, True Love, True Love's Kiss, Witch Curses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 22:58:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14435967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marrilyn/pseuds/Marrilyn
Summary: Reader gets a sleeping curse cast on her and Rowena is the only one who can wake her up. The problem is, she isn't sure she can.





	Unconditionally

It had been a relatively easy case. The witch had been powerful, but she'd had nothing on Rowena. While the Winchester brothers couldn't handle her on their own and had been forced to call on the redhead for help, Rowena had taken her out with ease. A single word of Latin, and the wicked witch was gone for good.

Had this been any other case, you, Rowena, Sam, and Dean would have celebrated the easy victory.

But, just as all things in life, nothing is ever _that_ easy.

Instead of screaming in her last moments of life, which was what villains usually did, the witch had uttered a curse.

Directly in your face.

And just as she had vanished in flames of Rowena's fury, your eyes closed and you collapsed to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Having no other choice, the Winchesters had taken you to their bunker and had placed you on a bed in one of the numerous spare rooms. All the way there, Rowena hadn't left your side. She cradled your limp form on the backseat of the Impala, your head on her lap, one of her hands caressing your cheek while the other rubbed up and down your arm. She could barely part with you for the few minutes it took Sam to carry you inside, and had instantly taken a seat on the bed beside you and grabbed hold of your hand.

The witch blinked back the tears that burned at her eyes. You looked relaxed, at peace, as if you were asleep. But she knew better. This was much more dangerous than a single sleeping spell — there was a reason it was called a curse.

Rowena swallowed, sharp ache tugging at her fast-beating heart. _Not you, too._ She'd already lost Oskar and Fergus. Losing you would shatter her. She was the one who'd had her fate sealed. She was the one who murdered and destroyed for centuries without a shred of remorse. She was the one who took your affections for granted for months before she finally allowed herself to admit that she was just as fond of you as you were of her.

If anyone deserved to be cursed, it was her.

_It's not fair._

You wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Rowena. Ever since you'd found out that Sam had been the one fated to kill her, you'd grown more protective of her. It had been unbearable at times, but Rowena knew you had no ill intentions. All you wanted was to keep her safe, to keep her alive and well. The same things she wanted for you. And when Sam had called, requiring assistance on a case involving a deadly witch, there was no way in hell you were going to let her go on her own.

You didn't trust Sam.

You didn't trust _fate._

"What's wrong with her?" Sam asked, startling Rowena.

She took a quick breath, regaining her composure, and straightened out her voice before replying. "She's cursed."

"Aren't curses broken when a witch who cast them dies?" Dean said. He was standing by the door, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, like a plaid-clad bodyguard guarding the entrance to an illegal nightclub.

"Usually. But not this one," Rowena said. She met Dean's gaze, and then lowered her eyes back to your face. "This one's different."

"How so?"

"It's a sleeping curse. We have twenty four hours to break it. And if we don't…"

You will die.

The implication had been clear.

The brothers exchanged a look, at a loss of what to say. Rowena's lower lip trembled. Her hand tightened around yours, as if squeezing it would somehow make you wake up. But it wasn't that easy; it never was when it came to curses.

When it came to _her._

She should have known this wouldn't end well. You were too good for a flawed, petty, evil creature like her. Why you stuck around for over three years, even after she had all but dismissed you for months, was a mystery.

What was it that you'd seen in her? It wasn't kindness or selflessness or any other good attribute. For a long time Rowena doubted she was capable of anything remotely good. She cared about you and treated you well, yes, but it was far from what you deserved.

Why had you put up with her for so long?"

"Okay," Sam said, having gathered some of his thoughts. "So how do we break it?"

"You can't. No one can. Well, no one except for one person, but…"

_But she can't do it because she is a coward._

"But what? We find them and we make them break it. We've done it before," Dean said.

"It's not that easy. You can't force it. It has to be genuine." Rowena sighed. Her heart burned with guilt, like razor-sharp blades drugging into it and tearing it into pieces. Running her thumb over the back of your hand, she whispered, "A kiss."

Sam frowned. "What?"

"The curse can only be broken by a kiss."

"That's it?" Dean frowned, disbelief sprawled across his handsome face. He shot her a look. "Go on, then! Kiss her."

"Not just any kind of kiss. A true love's kiss," she explained.

"What, like in fairy tales?"

"Exactly. Where do you think they got the idea?"

"Why can't you kiss her? Y/N loves you," Sam said.

Rowena fought back another onslaught of tears. "I know she does, but… The love has to be mutual, otherwise it won't work."

"And you don't love her?" Dean asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Of course I do!" Rowena said defensively, offended at the insinuation. She loved you more than she loved anything in centuries. It was one of the few things in her old, miserable life that she was absolutely certain of.

Even still, she had her doubts. You showered her with love every single day. You spent every waking moment with your hand on her, letting her know that you were there, that you would protect her no matter what. Every time a nightmare or a flashback shattered her into pieces, you were there to pick her up and make her whole again.

All she did in return was melt into your touches and reciprocate words of love. What if that wasn't enough? What if her feelings weren't enough?

"I just…"

"You're scared," Sam said.

Rowena nodded, tearing up. The younger Winchesters features twisted into a look of compassion. He walked over to stand behind her and laid a hand on her shoulder. Rowena twitched, but instantly eased under the comfort of his touch. The two of them weren't the best of friends. She wasn't sure their relationship could even be defined as friendship — yet, anyway. There was no telling what the future — one where he hopefully doesn't kill her — holds. For now, there was only an understanding between them. A deep, profound one, born out of their shared trauma at the hands of the devil. She allowed herself to be vulnerable around him, allowed herself to feel, to let it out. And, despite their interactions being rather short, Sam had learned to recognize her emotions — the few she'd allowed him to see.

He'd learned to recognize her fear.

"What-what if she loves me more than I love her? What if my feelings aren't enough?"

The mere thought sent Rowena's heart into overdrive. It beat furiously, as if she had just run a marathon, and cold chills of doubt slithered over the back of her neck and cascaded down her spine. You had done so much for her, and she had repaid you with so little. For a long while, she couldn't even _tell you_ she loved you. You were the one who initiated most of the affection. For the majority of time, all she had to do was react.

"You'll never know unless you try," Sam said, his voice matching the kindness of his face.

_Try._

Easier said than done.

"What if I fail?"

How was she supposed to live with letting yet another person she loved down? Sam and Dean may have believed that she could be redeemed, but their conviction meant nothing if she couldn't prove it.

She had sworn to herself, to _you,_ that she would try. She would do her best to be good rather than bad — or, at the very least, something in-between. But what if her attempts were in vain? What if, no matter what she did, she remained the same selfish, evil witch who taught herself to hate rather than love, who ruined and destroyed and shattered everything she set her sights on? What if the picture of herself she'd spent centuries painting could never be changed?

"What makes you think you're going to fail? Rowena, I've seen the way you look at her. That's not the look of someone who doesn't love."

Was she really that obvious?

"Maybe it's the look of someone who doesn't love enough."

"It's not."

The conviction in Sam's voice was almost overwhelming. He believed in the strength of her feelings more than she believed in it herself.

"You love her. I don't see how that wouldn't be enough."

Rowena swallowed, eyes trailing over your still features. There were moments when she would wake up and spend minutes looking at you. Not moving, not making a sound, just looking at the tranquility of your face. You trusted her so much that you were willing to sleep with her. Most people barely trusted her enough to turn their backs on her. You, on the other hand, were comfortable being around her at your most vulnerable. Even back when you'd just met her, when she was a cold, heartless witch who'd only agreed to tutor you because she was attracted to your power, you never feared her.

Instead, you treated her with kindness. A day hadn't gone by without you sending a nice word her way, always accompanied with a smile. Rowena knew you'd had a crush on her before you'd even realized it for yourself. And, as your feelings grew with every passing day, it had taken her even longer to acknowledge that she wasn't as incapable of love as she thought she was.

"I rarely ever tell her," Rowena said after a few silent moments. Guilt dripped from her every word, and she had to take a deep breath to compose herself and stop her voice from breaking.

"You show her, don't you?" Sam inquired.

She did. She kissed you, held you, wiped your tears when you were sad. She listened to you when you talked, and made sure to give you as much attention as you were giving her. She responded to every love confession you'd make.

But she'd barely say it first.

"Not nearly enough."

"She knows," Sam said. "You've been together for — what? Three years?" She nodded. Sam smiled. "She wouldn't have stuck around that long if she didn't know."

"Look, we don't always express our feelings the usual way," Dean suddenly said, prompting Rowena to shift her gaze to him. "Some of us just aren't good with words. It's the actions that count. Ever hit her?"

"What? No!" Rowena exclaimed, scowling venomously at the hunter.

"Lie to her? Manipulate her?"

"No!"

"Abuse her?"

"Of course not!" How dare he even suggest that? Rowena was far from the perfect girlfriend, but she would never — _had never_ — purposely cause you pain. "I treat this girl like a queen. I have never harmed her. And I don't appreciate your insinuations!"

"See? That right there is proof you love her." A smirk tugged at the corner of Dean's lips. "A couple weeks back I asked Y/N something similar about you."

Rowena narrowed her eyes.

Dean shrugged defensively. "Hey, I wasn't exactly your biggest fan."

Fair enough.

She allowed it.

"Anyway, she was pissed," he continued. "Reacted worse than you just did. It's not the reaction of someone who's underloved. She knows she's not. I know it, Sam knows it. You can think what you want, but the fact remains, you love that girl as much as she loves you."

Did she?

Rowena pondered on it for a moment.

She did. She loved you more than anything in the world, more than life itself. Even before she let herself admit it, she felt it. She'd been feeling it for a long time. She was bad at showing it, and even worse at expressing it, but it was there every second of every day, roiling in her heart every time her eyes would meet yours, every time your lips would widen into a smile and your arms would wrap around her. It was there now, tearing her apart with guilt for letting this happen, for not having been fast enough to prevent it.

For doubting herself when you most needed her.

"And right now, she needs you," Dean said, voicing her thoughts aloud. "You don't think you show you love her enough? Show it to her now. Kiss her. Break the curse. Prove her and yourself that you feel the same."

His words echoed in Rowena's head. _Proof._ If she kissed you and you rose back into life, it would be proof enough that the love you shared was mutual, equal. What better way to show it than by saving a loved one from certain death?

Still, an inkling for a doubt itched at Rowena's soul. What if it wasn't enough? What if all she manages to prove is that she doesn't love you the same way after all, and can do nothing but watch as you wither away, no cure in sights?

Sensing her doubts, Sam said, "Y/N would want you to try. Say it doesn't work. It's still an effort. She'd appreciate it. I know she would."

Rowena knew it, too. You never demanded anything from her, never expected the impossible. All you wanted was that she stay with you. That she stay amongst the living. Sometimes to the point of being overbearing. You'd made it clear many times before, whenever you'd get into one of your overprotective modes, that all that mattered to you was that she was safe. She could hate you for it; you didn't care.

Your devotion knew no bounds.

And neither did Rowena's.

Her tearful gaze met Sam's. His lips turned downward, in sync with the compassionate expression on his face, and his grip on her shoulder tightened. "But it _will_ work."

His words rang true. They _had to_ be true. There was too much conviction in them not to be. He believed in her. Dean believed in her. Had you been conscious, you, too, would believe in her — there was no doubt about that.

"Just try," Sam said. "For her."

_Try._

Yes. She had to try. She owed you that much, after everything you'd done for her. Rowena would never forget the sleepless nights you'd spent holding her, after been woken up by her screams and kicks as Lucifer torture replayed in her mind, over and over again, driving her insane even while she was asleep. She would never forget your arms around her and your comforting words when she would flash back to those horrible moments in the middle of the day. Sometimes even in the middle of the street. You'd never been embarrassed, never rushed to hide her from the intruding glances of strangers out of shame. They didn't matter to you. Their judgment and gossips didn't matter to you. All that mattered was her.

And all that mattered to Rowena was you.

If you could dedicate months of your life to taking care of her, she could wake you up with a kiss. It was the least she could do.

Giving a small nod, Rowena inched closer to you. Sam's hand lifted from her shoulder. He stood up and joined his brother by the door, giving her privacy. A small smile of gratitude played at Rowena's lips, then it vanished as her eyes fell on you once again.

This would work. It _had to_ work.

_I love you,_ she thought.

And then she leaned down and pressed her lips to yours.

Her thoughts remained focused on words of love, summoning the emotions she had, for a long time, wanted to keep as far away from her as possible, locked behind a wall distant of coldness. Now, all she wanted was to feel. To love you the way you deserved to be loved, just like you loved her.

Love wasn't weakness; it never was, Rowena realized as her heart fluttered with warmth, soon followed by the rest of her body, the love she felt for you flooding through her veins like blood, needful, comforting. It was strength. It hurt and brought forth guilt and regret, but at the same time, it gave her an identity. It made her a person, just like everyone else. A person who could love as well as hate, who could cry as well as laugh and protect as well as destroy. It gave her life a purpose — to be better, to redeem herself, or at the very least try her hardest to.

It gave her _you._

She wasn't going to let you slip away from her. Not now that she was so close to a new life, so close to happiness. She was going to be a better person, for herself, for her lost family, for you, and you would be there to see it happen. You would be there to hold her hand, show her the light when she stumbled, and compliment every step of progress she'd made.

She needed you in her life.

For a few moments nothing happened. Rowena's heart sank, hopes dwindling with each passing second.

Suddenly, your eyes fluttered open. Rowena's mouth went agape and a gasp escaped it. Her breath stilted, caught in her throat. She choked back a sob, relief overflowing her like a warm summer breeze caressing every inch of her, a gentle comfort to her tense body.

It had been enough.

Her kiss, her feelings, they had been enough.

Sam and Dean were right — her love was equal to yours.

"What happened?" you asked, rising up into a sitting position and rubbing your eyes with your free hand.

Rowena's fingers squeezed your other one tighter, as if looking for proof that this was real, that she wouldn't wake up anytime soon and find herself beside your sleeping body, powerless to do anything but watch you wilt away. You were here to stay. She wasn't going to lose you; not in the next twenty four hours, and not anytime after that, for as long as she has a say in it.

"You're awake," Rowena whispered, more to herself than to you. She did it — she'd broken the curse. After everything you'd done for her, she'd finally found a way to give at least some of it back. She'd proven you that she loved you the same way, had proven _herself_ that she was capable of it. Just as Dean had said.

She'd be lying if she said a part of her wasn't beaming up with pride.

Heart jumping in joy, Rowena threw her arms around you, enveloping you in a hug. You gasped, startled, but were quick to reciprocate. She melted into the warmth of your embrace. Her hold on you was tight, growing stronger with every breath she took. Usually, it was you who held onto her, with Rowena acting nonchalant, as if it was nothing.

It was everything.

_You_ were everything.

"You're awake," Rowena repeated. Tears spilled down her cheeks, finally free. She had neither strength nor wish to hold them back anymore. Her girl was back, and it was all because of her. Because of her love. You were safe now; safe and awake, far away from death. Nothing else mattered. "You're awake."

"Yeah, I am," you said, voice giving away your rising confusion. You looked around and frowned at your surroundings, head still clouded by a mist of cursed drowsiness. "Where am I?"

"The bunker," Dean said.

"What happened?"

"You were cursed," Sam explained.

"I was?"

"Yeah. Sleeping curse," Dean said.

"Rowena broke it," Sam said.

"She did? You did, sweetheart?" you asked, speaking to her once again.

"Yes," Rowena replied. Her voice cracked and a sob escaped her mouth before she could swallow it back.

"Rowena, what's wrong? Are you crying?" You gently pushed her away from you and frowned at her tear-streaked expression. Confusion on your face morphed into concern. "Why are you crying? Are you okay?" You looked her over, eyes scanning every exposed piece of her skin like a microscope. "Are you hurt?"

Rowena almost chuckled. You'd come so close to death, and you still worried about her. "I thought I'd lose you," she rasped through tears.

"That's never gonna happen."

"It almost did."

Had the brothers not been there to restore her confidence, she may never have gathered the necessary courage to kiss you.

Rowena broke down into sobs at the thought. Your hands instantly reached for her cheeks, cupping them with utmost tenderness.

"Hey, hey," you soothed. "It's okay. I'm here. You're never gonna lose me." You threw a sideways glance at Sam, then quickly averted your eyes back to meet Rowena's. "And I'm never gonna lose you." A small smile formed on your lips. "Thank you for waking me up."

You didn't need to thank her. You being amongst the living was all the gratitude she could ever ask for.

"You're welcome, dear."

She tried to smile, but all she managed to do was to release another sob.

"What's wrong, honey?" you asked. She lowered her gaze, avoiding your eyes. One of your hands trailed down to her chin and tilted her head up to face you. "Tell me."

Would you hate her if you were to find out the truth?

Rowena mentally scoffed. Of course you wouldn't! It was a ridiculous thought. You could never hate her; she'd given you plenty of reasons in the past and you'd always stuck by her, not even considering any ill feelings, let alone actually feeling them. Still…

How do you tell the person you love the most that you doubted the strength of your feelings for them?

"Um…" Rowena glanced back at Sam and Dean, red-rimmed eyes pleading. This was an intimate conversation. She'd already bared enough of her vulnerability to them.

"We'll give you guys some privacy," Sam said, instantly taking the hint.

Rowena sighed in relief and gave them a grateful smile. Once the brothers had vacated the room and closed the door behind them, she turned back to you. You were looking at her, eagerly awaiting her explanation. Rowena swallowed. She moved her hand forwards, but stopped it an inch away from yours. Fear boiled inside her, hot and aching, like lava burning at her insides. Burning her alive just like Lucifer had all those months ago. Her lower lip trembled, and her eyes fell to her hands. Her fingers curled around the sheets, clutching them until her knuckles turned white, as if she would lose her balance and fall over if she were to let go.

"You were under a sleeping curse."

"Yeah, I know."

Rowena shock her head, a new batch of tears burning at the corners of her eyes. "You don't understand. This curse… It's different from others."

"How so?" you asked with a frown. Rowena's eyes found yours once again. Your gaze burned into hers, intense, firm, letting her know that she had your full attention.

"Killing the witch who cast it doesn't break it."

"What does?"

"A kiss."

You blinked, confusion joining the curiosity on your face. "A kiss?"

"True love's kiss," Rowena clarified.

"Like in Once Upon a Time?"

She chuckled. "Yes, exactly like that."

"You woke me up with a true love's kiss!" you beamed after a few moments of silence that had befallen the two of you. Your lips were wide with a smile, bright and cheerful. Loving. Trusting.

Rowena's heart broke at the sight. She'd almost let you die because of her doubts, and here you were, rejoicing at being woken up with a kiss. How could she not think you loved her more than she loved you? Even now that she knew the truth, that both of you loved the other equally, a shadow of a doubt clouded the back of Rowena's mind. Why couldn't she show it the way you did? Why couldn't she let herself be happy?

"That's so awesome!" you said. "I feel like a princess." Your smile faded when you noticed the somber look on her face. "What? Is there more? Don't tell me there was a sacrifice or something."

"No! No, there was no sacrifice," Rowena said, and you let out a breath of relief.

"What is it, then? Why are you sad?" You took hold of her hand, fingers threading through hers in a gentle knot. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

She knew she could. That was the problem — she could tell you anything. Do anything. Be anything. You loved her no matter what, without a single droplet of doubt. You were never afraid to show it.

Unlike her, whose entire body was trembling with fear.

"I didn't think I could do it," she admitted reluctantly.

"Wake me up?"

Rowena nodded.

"But you love me."

"I do, but… I didn't think it would be enough."

You narrowed your eyes, confused. "What do you mean?"

Rowena sighed, then took a deep breath. "The curse can only be broken if both sides feel the same way."

"Equal love?"

"Yes."

"What's the problem, then?" Your eyes widened. "Did you think I don't—"

"No!" Rowena cut you off, horrified by the mere thought. She squeezed your hand tighter. "No, darling. I could never… I know you love me."

A ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of your lips.

"I wasn't sure I felt the same way," Rowena admitted. A tear slid down her face, then another, and another, drenching her face. Her red cheeks burned even redder.

"That's ridiculous!" you said without even giving it a thought. "I _know_ you love me."

"The feelings have to be equal in strength. The kiss doesn't work if one side loves the other less."

Comprehension dawned on your face like a sharp slap. "You thought I love you more than you love me?"

Rowena nodded, choking back a sob. "You're always so good to me, and I never give back. I barely even tell you I love you," she whimpered.

"That's not true." Your free hand cupped her cheek, thumb wiping away a tear. "Okay, you're not big on telling. So what? You're awesome at showing! Remember how you took care of me when when I had the flu a couple months ago? You were like a mom!"

You smiled at the memory.

"You're always there when I need you. You listen when I talk. You taught me how to use my magic. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be more human than witch."

You ran your fingers over her cheek in a light caress. Rowena leaned into the touch, basking in your warmth and safety.

"I _know_ you love me like I love you. You don't have to tell me all the time. It's not a competition, okay?"

"Okay," Rowena said through tears, voice barely above a whisper.

"Just… be yourself. That's all I ask."

It had been centuries since Rowena loved. She'd almost forgotten what it felt like. You'd done so much for her, and she wanted nothing but do right by you. As it turned out, that was exactly what she'd been doing. She didn't have to force her feelings; they were already there, hidden in the touch for her hand and the smile she flashed you every morning. You were right — she didn't have to say anything when she showered you with love with every single move she made. Actions spoke louder than words. A kiss and a hug were just as powerful as a confession.

"I will," Rowena said. "I promise."

You grinned. "That's my girl."

Your lips met in a short, sweet kiss, then Rowena pulled you into a hug, resting her chin on your shoulder.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Y/N."

For the first time in forever, she said it with utmost confidence, all doubts gone from her mind as if they had never existed. She loved you, just like you loved her. Truly. Madly. Deeply. Strongly. Equally.

Unconditionally.

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by my awesome friend OswinTheStrange.


End file.
